Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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