I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
