Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
