I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
