Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
