I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
