so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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