Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
