low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
