It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
