question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I stole a fireplace last night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
