I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
