I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I deserve this hangover.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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