And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm at about main and main street
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
