i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
