guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
