I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
