we have officially mastered the walk of shame
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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