He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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