i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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