I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
