Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
