And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
