Swine flu. Run for my life!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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