either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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