I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
