why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
