Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That accounts for only three of the penises
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
