Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So I just went to clothing optional bar
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
