This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
