Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
two words: eviction party
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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