I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
