i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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