...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
