Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
