OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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