I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
