you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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