what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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