ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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