i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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