alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
