woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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