We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
