Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
