We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
