I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
