tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
