Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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