The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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