its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
