I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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