If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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